Let me be blunt and try to say this all in one breath
(helps with the vulnerability)
*breathes in*
I get easily offended when others are rude, negative or inconsiderate, and when I *feel* like it is directed towards me and/or it affects me, I tend to have a hard time letting it go.
*breathes out*
Let me deconstruct this-
I am often an overthinker. My feelings can take up my headspace to the point where I can spend a very long time trying to break down every single reason as to why a less than pleasing ( to me) situation at hand would occur.
The problem with this is that… well, firstly, I waste time doing this -_- and secondly, it could even be something that I know is not directed at me or because of me, but once I ‘feel’ affected… I try to rationalize it, even when it may not make sense.
Yeah, still a waste of time I know.
What I do know as well, is that I am not the only one in the world that tends to hold onto things unnecessarily. I do believe that this trait stems from larger problems, and one of them I touched on in my last blog post, about the quest for perfection and wanting to have everything, at least on paper, going your way.
Simply put:
Everything going your way = you feel like your in control= perfection = good
Bad event occurring = you feel like you are not in control = things not going your way = chaos
Alright, alright, alright. The more I type it out, the more that it seems silly. But it’s a bad habit that I am constantly working on trying to overcome.
Through reading, conversations ( thanks Mike), and just through good old life experiences, here are 5 lil’ tips that have really helped me get out of my head.
* Click on the arrows on each below to read a bit more *
1. If you find yourself spiraling, DO SOMETHING TO TAKE YOUR MIND OFF OF THE FEELINGS.
Regardless if it is your fault, their fault, or something truly non-existent, sitting down and obsessing about who/what/where/why/when is draining and honestly pushes you further and further away from resolving your feelings. Keep your mind busy for a bit and then you can attack it again from a more level head. Trust me on this. You may even be able to talk yourself out of those feelings at this stage. The sooner you can do this in a situation, the better.
2. When it comes to the situation itself that you are stressing over, remember that your *feelings* about it are not always a reflection of reality.
Remember, your mind is a wonderful place, full of imagination and creativity. Your mind can take that same creativity, and can contort situations to suit what it believes to be true.
You fell out with a friend and everyone hates you now? Your mind = YEP.
You didn’t complete a task and now you are a failure? Your mind = ABSOLUTELY.
Since our perception has a tendency to become our reality, we have to remember that unless there are tangible facts or events that we without a doubt know to be true, aim to decipher what the situation is rooted in ( YOUR HEAD? YOUR HEART? REAL LIFE?) and then revert back to tip #1.
3. You are responsible for how you react and respond to situations.
Let me repeat that first part – YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE. Now I have to state this very clearly – we are not talking about certain situations that put us physically in harm’s way – totally different. Here we are talking about our responses to situations that evoke negative emotions and how we respond to them.
Someone says something hurtful about you? What do you do? Send a barrage of angry texts? Call their job? Go to their house and punch them? Life may not always be perfect, and things do happen out of our control, but the plain truth is that whatever reaction we have, we are responsible for it. This is not to say that we shouldn’t react to things that upset us- But part of being an adult is having control of our reactions. That is true strength right there.
Side note : There’s a book called The Laws of Power, which I’ve been listening to as an audio book for quite some time now (it’s pretty long >_< ). Two laws in the book touch on this very point i’m making : Law 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary and Law 39: Stir up Waters to Catch Fish . I encourage you to do a little internet search when you have some time or even check out the book yourself.
4. Remember that people ultimately will do whatever they feel is in their best interest.
When someone spews negativity and anger towards you, understand that it’s never really about you.
The driver that cut you off on the road? – unless you had an altercation – they aren’t cutting you off because they hate YOU. They are trying to get to where they are going and really could care less about anyone else but themselves or their own priorities. Of course, there are situations where people respond to stimuli caused by you – maybe you hit them accidentally – and if this is the case then yes, it is unfortunately about you. But if a situation is clearly not, remember that we all live lives on parallel planes, however sometimes they intersect and we can’t always control that. People respond the way they want to, to a situation, so that’s why here we can be mindful of tip #3 and it hopefully will get you thinking a little bit more about why you are angry in the first place.
5. It doesn’t matter in the end and it isn’t ever that serious.
When others are rude, negative or inconsiderate… honestly.. It is not that serious in the grand scheme of things. Take it from me. I won’t go into this in today’s blog, but there are many, many, MANY things in life that you should give a crap about….but, someone being rude? Let it go. Or at least ask yourself if it is worth giving a crap about. Is it worth upsetting your peace? Once you are not in any physical danger, think about tips 2, 3 and 4 and then once you are done come back to this tip and read it again. To quote one of my favorite memes- tough times never last, only tough people last.
You wont always handle tough situations perfectly. So honestly….taking the time to truly develop yourself, particularly your emotional intelligence, will not only help prepare you for the tough times but also can help you lighten any load that life may throw your way. The goal is to be able to choose what to think about and prioritize, and not to let life, and feelings, choose for you.
Read, talk to others, and keep learning.
Life can be hard enough as it is, so try to treat yourself with the most grace, love and kindness.
The Graceful Human 
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